Two Women Walked a Path and Both of Them Were Me

I’m 27, female, well educated. Creative. Business owner, career minded and income focused. I’m also a stay at home mother, a wife and a domestic goddess who can whip up delectible goodies at the drop of a hat.

I get queasy when I walk into a messy room but I refuse to spend all my time cleaning. I love to laze away an afternoon doing very little but I can’t stand the feeling of doing nothing. I enjoy immersing myself in a project and working my brain to exhaustion but I’m probably one of the worst procrastinators I know.

I’m not superstitious yet I wear a greek evil eye and check my horoscope every day. I don’t believe in destiny but I know that meeting my husband and having my child wasn’t just happenstance.

I walk around every day with an internal war being waged in my head and heart. On one side I’m a take no prisoners, career minded busines owner. On the other I’m a sensitive, creative, stay at home mom.

How do I align these two sides of myself to exist in harmony without imploding and taking out several city blocks?

Growing up, I was taught that there was nothing I couldn’t do. Women were no longer thought of as domestic beings with a life revolving around the home. We’re powerful in business, we’re determined and we’re successful.

But are we happy?

When I’m developing for work, I want to be baking or playing with my son. When I’m relaxing or crocheting I feel guilty for not working and getting some sort of business task done.

And I don’t think I’m alone in this either. I think this is a feeling shared by many women my age. We have such a hard time aligning these two portions of ourselves that it comes to a point where we’re frozen in one spot because we think we have to go in one direction or another.

And do we really have to choose? Do we have to be one or the other? How do we accept and embrace the two sides of our lives and allow them to coexist? Can I put another question here to illustrate my point?

There’s no right or wrong for this question and I’m not sure if I’m going to arrive at any sort of answer anytime soon but I think just acknowledging the struggle and labelling it is a good start.

One day I just might be able to align the two halves of myself into something I’m totally comfortable with. Until then I’m just going to have to stop giving myself such a hard time over it.